humor, motherhood, parenting

Parenthood and what I wish I’d known

  1. You will eventually sleep
  2. Seriously. It might be when they head to NYU on a full scholarship, but eventually– you’ll sleep.
  3. Though said sleep is never ever the same as before you had children.
  4. Hold them. Whenever you want to. Whenever you can. It feels like forever. It’s not.
  5. Feed them. If they eat, do a jig. If they don’t, let it go. Except in rare circumstances they’ll eat when hungry and sometimes they’re just not feeling it.
  6. Some kids walk earlier, some speak sooner, some compose original music at the age of three. Accept your child’s pace, each has their own and its normal.
  7. Unless it isn’t. If your gut tells you something is amiss: listen.
  8. Judge another parent for their screaming toddler in a restaurant and guarantee that yours will be yodeling like Shrek in the very near future.
  9. Show compassion if only with your thoughts and very likely this too will return to you in karmic quantities.
  10. When they fall– clap, cheer, smile or react not at all; their emotion passes faster, as does yours.
  11. Unless of course they fell from a treetop. Clapping or cheering would, in this circumstance, be entirely unacceptable.
  12. Don’t yell over things not in their realm of understanding like why it was hilarious to mom and dad when he ripped pages from the old phone book but not so hilarious when he ripped pages from Harry Potter and the Deathly Gallows. 
  13. Television has many drawbacks but on those days when Sesame Street is the thing standing between you and chaos don’t feel guilty, just do it. You didn’t stick them in front of Jersey Shore for three consecutive hours; allow yourself to be human.
  14. Its easier when they’re not exclusively nursing. But harder as you figure out all the meals to prepare. 
  15. Its easier when they’re walking about. But harder as you chase them from steep ledges. 
  16. Its easier when they start sleeping through the night. But harder as they start fighting naps.
  17. Parenting never gets easier, it just gets different.
  18. Buy a video camera. Use it. You will miss the clumsy dances, gurgles and toothless jabber.
  19. But resist the urge to document everything– some moments can never be resurrected. Some moments are sweetest only if you let yourself fall into them living in it as fully as you can to remember later.
  20. If you’re sincerely doing the absolute best job at this parenting thing that you absolutely possibly ever could, you’re doing a pretty damn good job. Splurge and get an ice cream cone,  a pair of shoes, or a baby koala, but most certainly give yourself the credit you deserve.  

What do you wish you’d known?

16 thoughts on “Parenthood and what I wish I’d known”

  1. Thanks Anon 🙂

    Fruitful, oh PLEASE do! I need guidance for the years to come 🙂

    Jen, its so bittersweet, each stage awesome but passing them always bittersweet.


  2. I wish I'd known a baby koala was a self-reward option. I'd've totally sprung for one when Hen first slept through the night.

    Seriously, this is a lovely post. And number 11 made me laugh out loud.


  3. Good list! Things I try to remind myself, but in the daily grind, it's hard not to want to cry when my 4-year-old seemingly won't eat for days, and the 20-month-old has about 1% of the speech development her sister had at this age 😦 Although, I should enjoy these types of issues, since teenage girl issues are going to be/could potentially be unimaginably worse!


  4. I liked everything that Aisha said. I felt that Sadia's comment about teen age girls causing issues was racist and offending!!!


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