life, motherhood, parenting

On falling into

When things are rough, restless, and just plain difficult, I struggle with the guilt that compounds those feelings; you have a beautiful child and more blessings than you can count how dare you feel this way? The best cure I’ve found is to stop trying to fight it. Pause, and simply fall into the feeling. Such feelings seem to pass faster when you cast upon them no judgments and allow the sensation to simply be. It’s been a beautiful seventy-something degree morning filled with wandering into coffee shops and parks, chasing squirrels [him, not me] and pausing to squat admiring in full vantage, the glory of dandelions. As I watched him, I thought to myself: these moments when you feel joyful, euphoric, proud, verklempt with love? Pause and let yourself fall into the feeling, let it fill you up so you can drink from it in days of drought. Of course on days like today I think I’ll never be thirsty again.

11 thoughts on “On falling into”

  1. Yes. Just–yes. That last line is beautiful. And sums up so much about what is both wonderful and really difficult trying about attempting to live mindfully when things are GOOD–so good that it's impossible to comprehend that there might be (will likely be) a time in the future when things are not as good. Thank you for the reminder to pay attention…

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  2. Thanks Susan, its true, I feel like we must be mindful of the tough moments too in some ways, not to wallow and let it engulf us, but to recognize it and not fight it and instead work through it. Although I'd rather take days like today anyday over anything else 🙂

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  3. I think your philosophy regarding feeling less-than-contented is great. It makes one think about those blessings and truly appreciate them–perhaps that wouldn't happen so readily without those feelings in the first place.

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  4. I just cam across this quote, I thought you might like…
    “We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.” – Hellen Keller.

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