This is the year my son turned one and walked, ran, spoke, screamed, squealed and blessedly slept. This is the year I spent each and every day, including the most difficult and trying ones, completely gobsmacked that I get to be a mother to this amazing child and the year I allowed myself to relax as I realized: I’m not so bad at this parenting thing after all.
This is the year we sold our house a process that lasted four months from start to finish but felt like four years when doing so on your own with a baby in tow. It was a difficult process but it taught me that while I can paint, and clean, and upgrade, the end result, the desired result, is not up to me. This is the year, I learned to accept this lack of control, to fall into it, to trust it a lesson that will surely need fine tuning all my life but a profound one at a time I need it most
This year was also the year my running, biking, diet conscious father had a heart attack and triple bypass. We’re in Orlando now, toasting our toes in sandals under the Florida heat eating oranges from the tree my father planted with Waleed swinging on the swing my father searched the city to find. My younger brother left for Miami today and when I felt tears prick my eyes my throat constricting it was not simply because his departure meant the winding down of my time home, but because I realize how lucky I am to have this time at home.
2012 remains a void of uncertainty, will we find a new house? A publishing deal? A new job? Will I finally complete a half-marathon or find certainty in my spiritual quest?
I don’t know.
But right now as these words form sentences on this screen, I know that life is fragile and precious and beautiful and I am so lucky just to be here. Life is not as much about where we are going, but how we are choosing to get there, and so far, so good because this? This right here, is enough.
Happy 2012 to all of you. May it be as good as the best year you ever had, and hopefully better still.