humor, laugh to keep from crying, marriage

How to buy a house. Or marry a girl.

I suppose the best way to classify how K and I met would be through a semi-arranged marriage process [which surprises some who say but you seem so in love?! But we are! Very much so. It’s not how I found him. It’s that I found him] Our process was so relatively simple I had no idea just how objective, distancing, and calculating the entire process could be until I later saw my friends struggle and listened to many guys discuss their search for a wife and, well, the further I descend into the house buy-sell process the more frightening similarities I see with the mentality behind house-hunting and bride-hunting:

  1. You start with a gussied up picture of potentials with just the right lighting. 
  2. Keep in mind: The newer the better. Attractive a must. Take all the time you want! It’s a buyer’s market. There will always be good deals, the market is on your side.
  3. After going through dozens of potentials via websites and recommendations narrow it down to a few to start off with.
  4. Make the calls, set up appointments. Some may already be off the market which might make you wonder if you missed your chance at the one but its okay because there are so many others.
  5. Make your visits, pay close for your must-haves and for misrepresentation. Don’t you hate it when the picture conceals the very defect that would have made it a no deal?
  6. Just because you went and saw one doesn’t mean you have to put in an offer! It’s a buyer’s market! Check out as many as you want! Do you need to follow up if you end up not wanting to make an offer? Ofcourse not! This isn’t personal, it’s business.
  7. However– do keep in mind that the higher end you go the more will be expected of you too in terms of financial stability.
  8. Once you’ve got it down to a few, do some second visits, bring some other folks for some other points of views, pros and cons, this is after all a long-term investment.
  9. Make some offers– start with the ones that seem most out of your reach– doesn’t hurt to try!
  10. You got an acceptance! You’re officially done looking but you won’t be off the market until the deal fully closes. It’s not over until it’s over and you never know when a brand new better one hits the market.

Why yes, I actually am laughing to keep from crying.

[For context if you’re new please see: Arranged Marriage 101 and The Desi Marriage Crisis]

17 thoughts on “How to buy a house. Or marry a girl.”

  1. And then it doesn't work out and you have to put yourself up for sale all over again and do all the fixing up and patching of holes, etc. You could take this analogy all the way really. 🙂


  2. I met my husband through a quite arranged set up as well. His mum, my MIL now, knew my dad for more than 20 years. She came one day before Christmas to visit us and told me she had a boy. “Right, so what do you expect, me to marry him, or what?” said I, quite tired of arranged dates my gran tried to set up. “What if he wrote you an email?” “Of course he can write, no one died because of that”.
    And then he wrote, and I replied. And it all snowballed from there. During the weekend we chatted. On Sunday I called him and talked for three hours (I just couldn't get enough of how he rolled the Rs… Still can't.:-)). And ten days after that first mail, he came to visit me (he was studying in a city some 400km away). And we spent the first weekend together, half at his parents, half at mine. And five months later we got married. And three months after that we left for France. Useless to say my MIL still regrets having introduced us. 🙂 Well, that should have taught her not to mess with peoples' lives. If you are interested, it didn't.

    When we found this house, we were looking for a bit, and I was honestly questioning if we were not too calculated about the entire process. Until we found THE house for us and knew it from the first moment and said yes and we are here.

    For most, looking for a wife and a house is checking a list of needs and desires. I think that when feeling is ignored, happiness is hard to find.

    Arranged marriages are pretty common in my country as well, especially when the bride is no longer a spring chicken. Especially in such cases, divorce is rare, because the poor girl wants to hold on to her married status with fingers and nails. But modern times made this side of life evolve as well, and I think there are less and less arranged marriages now than compared to 20 years ago, let's say. They are all going to find by themselves their own luck or misfortune nowadays.


  3. Mystic, that made me laugh so hard its not even funny! LOL

    Tiger- its sad isn't it?? 😦

    E, so does this sort of thing translate into any sort of mainstream American culture paradigm??

    thanks, 🙂


  4. Thanks Faraaz for your comment and welcome to the blog! 🙂

    Kmina, oh wow- I really thought this was limited to the South Asian culture- I know in East Asia this happens to to some extent but surprised this happens at all in Europe. Thanks for sharing your story of how you met, like your own perspective I think the arranged marriage thing is happening less and less as time passes but its still around enough to make life difficult for many many women. 😦


  5. LMAO…funny but sadly true.
    You can also make a comparison with cell phones…or black friday deals LOL

    Its really sad though. This is the reason why I'm seriously not thinking of marrying a desi. Finding a good person is hard but the family drama in our culture is ridiculous. Just plain ridiculous.


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