Bliss used to be hikes along lava cliffs
or exploring a hidden alley in a small Spanish town
or watching the perfect sunrise from atop an ancient volcano
Tonight is my nine year wedding anniversary and as I lay my son to bed thunder crackling outside my window, chai brewing, sheesha smoke spiraling while Ray Lamontagne croons his haunting lyrics in the background the murkiness of the past few weeks recedes and clarity springs forth: life is full of stumbling blocks and uncertainty but nine years and counting, K’s been here to catch me should I fall. And I have. And he has. While the source of my worries still linger like steam on a summer night, I realize the futility of this emotion- worry is just a noose of my own making- it’s suffocating grip, a choice. Life can sometimes be a bumpy journey but worry? It solves nothing, but confuses and complicates everything. Tonight I let go of my worries, I look at what I have and realize that prayers are sometimes already answered- we just have to be still enough- and trust enough to see. Tonight I’m not hiking a volcano, or swimming in a lagoon, I’m in PJ’s eating FroYo about to watch a Breaking Bad marathon. Nothing in its substance has changed, but my attitude has shifted, and tonight? I’m happy. Bliss redefined, down to its purest form. Cheesiness I embrace thee: Happy Anniversary K, thank you for being you and for loving me, supporting me, and believing in me every step of the way.
Aint it about time you realize, its not worth keepin score, you win some, you lose some and you let it go. What’s the use of stacking on every failure another stone, Til you find you’ve spent your whole damn life building walls, lonely and old before your time. It took so long to see, the truth was all around me. . . It’s not living that you’re doing if it feels like dying. – Ray Lamontagne