One. I’ve decided its time to get serious about my sweet-tooth. This isn’t the first time I’ve decided this- but the first time with a ten-month-old watching me eat a bowl of ice-cream [and not one of the three ingredient variety, more of the high-fructose corn-syrup type]. So the next two weeks? sugar-free. Simple sugar- white rice, bread, and pasta-free and let me tell you its not going to be easy. Still, I felt motivated this morning as I woke up- I can do this, I told myself. A slice of whole wheat toast and a cup of tea to start the day. Waleed on my hip, I headed downstairs, and saw this:
Are you kidding me? Emptying out the pantry the other day I found a box of brownies days from expiring so promptly baked them. [Can’t let perfectly good brownies go to waste can we?] I asked K to take it to work because leaving the whole tray at home would be like putting an alligator in a room filled with koala bears and telling him not to take a bite. It’s hard. I appreciate his gesture to leave me one since he’s aware of my adoration of all things chocolaty- but of all the days. I’ve heard life keeps presenting you the same test until you pass it. Seeing the brownie on the breakfast table I thought: I could eat it and start tomorrow. And someone might bake cookies Saturday. Or cake Sunday. There will always be a test. May as well go about trying to pass it now. And while this doesn’t mean I won’t ever eat sweets again, good food is the spice of life, today, I abstained. Will I ultimately succeed? Don’t know. Fighting an addiction, even one of the legal sort, is never easy. But I did today. And that’s something.
Two. I didn’t focus on the brownie too long as I plopped Waleed in the car and headed to my local Asian store to do some shopping with a mom’s group. Sunny raved about her MOMs club and though she lives on the other end of the country, I learned there was an equally cool local chapter here with kids Waleed’s age and down-to-earth engaging mamas. So I was excited to put the pedal to the metal and shop and have the kiddos play after. Except, I went to the wrong one. Apparently my ‘local asian market’ is a national multibillion dollar franchise with seven locations in a ten mile radius from me. Now I know. Waleed had a blast looking at cactus and other things I did not know were edible. As I put away my groceries I was struck by the visual before me. Soy sauce next to Marinara next to Wasabi next to Spanish chilies and daal and Thai Red Curry paste and I thought to myself how lucky I am to live here in a multicultural society. To have the world’s palate within arm’s reach. It’s a privilege not everyone has. And the thought of a life lived without sushi? Hush now. So much beautiful about living in the United States, and my pantry and all it represents? One of the most beautiful things of all.
Three. As much as I love being a mother, wouldn’t trade it for a million brownies, some days are just hard. Today was one of those days. Waleed alternated between crying for reasons that eluded me despite peek-a-boo, mashed bananas [flung in my face], sippy-cups [flung in my face], and the emptying of my entire filing cabinet filled with five-years worth of carefully saved documents. When working, there were days I stared at the clock- waiting for quitting time. It rarely happens now but today I found myself staring at the clock- waiting for shift-sharing, when K would come home and help. As the evening neared Waleed, clutching a stuffed yellow bird K got me years ago as a very random-long-story gift, crawled up to me and banged on my arm. Yes, ducky, I said.
I just about shot up from the couch. What did you say?
Du-uh-ucky, he grinned a toothless smile. Du-du- duck-ee.
While it seems to have been a ‘one-show’ performance and while upon closer examination I realized said duck is not a duck but a chick- he said ducky and in that instant gave me a glimpse of the child he will be, the person he might become. And just like that this otherwise difficult day goes down as one of the best of my life. [I guess now ‘ducky’ along with my sandals will be on the short-list of things I won’t be donating- ever.]
So in sum: uneaten brownies, playdates to come, international cuisine, and duckie- best. Thursday. ever. Hope you had a great day too.