Yesterday you turned three months old. You roll over, you grin, you babble. You kick your legs and shriek with delight. Every day there is something new to you.
This was your first trip to Nana and Nani’s house. Needless to say you were the center of attention as constant streams of visitors both family and friends came to see you. Every evening we spent sitting by you, chatting with you, watching you watch the helium balloon or stare at your hands or toss us one of those smiles, you know, the ones that crack the earth in half and let out unicorns and rainbows? All the books say you’re too young to be spoiled, but if you were capable of it, after this trip you’d have been spoiled rotten I’m sure.
This month was also the end of the constant stream of visitors who loved your parents and came to help us out so we could have an easier time getting adjusted to parenthood. I was a little nervous the first day I found myself home alone with you. I wondered, are you all really going to leave me in charge of a completely helpless human being? But everyday I learn more about you. I can tell when you are tired before you even rub your eyes, or when you’re hungry before you begin crying. I wear you in a sling as we clean the house together, you nap in your bouncer while I catch up on my manuscript. We’re developing a rhythm, slowly we’re getting in sync.
But the best part of this month? That happened yesterday on your third month birthday. I tickled your chin and what did you do? You gave out a full blown grown up laugh. You laughed and laughed. I could try to tell you how that made me feel but that word does not yet exist in the English language.
You love it when I sing. When I sing you look at me with an open mouthed wide-eyed stare as though you’re in the presence of Pavarotti. In fact, every time you see me, particularly after a few moments apart, you get so excited as though I’m some sort of famous rock star you never thought you’d have the chance to meet. I’m overwhelmed by your love. Your pure guileless love.
And speaking of love, while I won’t say I love you more than anyone else, the way I love you is different than any other love. Nana shared with me this quote by Warren Buffett that captures the feeling well:
[T]here is no power on earth like unconditional love. And if you offered that to your child, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being.”
I love you not because of the way you smile. The way you babble, or the way you make the cutest pouty lips in the world. I love you because you are you. Because you exist. Because you are mine. Right now your world is simple but one day it will get complicated and you will question so many things. But in one area you should never have any doubt, and that is that I will always love you like I love you today. and this love? Its bigger than Jupiter and more real than the atoms that make me who I am. I will always be your home.