humor, life

The Suicidal Squirrel

Today as I drove home I saw a squirrel in the distance standing on its haunches in the middle of the road. I shrugged. It would move. They always do. George Costanza kindly pointed out that its an unspoken agreement between us and the squirrels and birds. They may wait until the last minute, but they move. Not this squirrel. As I approached I realized this squirrel was going nowhere. I had to swerve to avoid it. Then, I stopped at the stop sign and as I hit the accelerator this squirrel darted in front of my car again! Luckily I missed it again, but then it actually raced with my car! Naturally, a car outruns a squirrel so I beat said squirrel, but I am fairly convinced this rodent had a death wish.

Nuts, acorns, and berries and hopping from tree to tree. No business meetings, no economic downturns or 401Ks. You’d think a squirrel’s life is an ideal life, but I tell you, this squirrel had a death wish and it seemed eager for me to grant it. I wish I had contacts with the rodent world, perhaps a hotline (I suggest 1800Nuts) would go tremendously in the way of assisting the depressed squirrel population of my neighborhood. Clearly its a problem which needs addressing.

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