When I was president of my MSA a young man [let’s call him Bobbullah] attended our board meetings with his visions for MSA. Daily Dawah tables! Large fund raising banquets with nasheed bands! Iftaar served daily on campus! Prominent speakers flying in to talk! He presented these ideas with a smug grin as he reclined in his seat with arms folded. One day I turned to him Great ideas! I said, I’m going to put you in charge of these things. His smile vanished. He looked at me confused. I know you’re passionate about these ideas so please get to work and organize whoever is interested to help you. You have our approval.
We never saw Bobullah again.
My job ends today, 9-9-09, and I dreamed of this day for a good six months. Sitting in yet another meeting I daydreamed of figuring out the perfect word for the query letter. 090909 felt so far away. I can’t believe its here. I can’t believe the next time someone asks me what I do, I won’t have a ready answer. People tell me to say I’m a writer. But its intimidating to voice this aloud.
Today I feel a bit like Bobullah. Grand schemes, beautiful dreams but now its time to do it. It’s frightening to try to actualize your dreams because there are no guarantees. Hard work does not mean you’ll succeed, but when I applied for dream job, only 48 hours to go in the application process I wondered if it was worth it when a friend said to me: If you try you’re not guaranteed to win, but if you don’t try you are guaranteed to lose. And its with this mantra in mind I go forward.
Each day I’m struck by life and how deceptive it is. Each day feels much like the last, lulling us into a false sense of security that nothing will change but before we know it nothing is the same, we just weren’t present to watch the season change. I must remind myself that each day I put off my writing for the next day is a day I won’t get back. Each minute leads to the next hour, each hour on each day, and each day on the weeks and months and years to come. Each block, a building block of life, precious time I will never get back. Starting Monday, the new working life of Aisha begins. Not all of this is going to be in my hands but I will do the best with the part of it that is. Let us see what it will bring. I hope it will be good things.