In January I wrote of my fear of writing. Its August, and I’m finally writing. Strangely enough I began writing around the same time I resigned myself to the fact I’d likely never do so. But there I was, about to go to bed, when out of nowhere, she came to me.. I could see her eyes, her smile, her circumstances. Never since I was 14 had a character simply appeared in my mind’s eye, asking me to share her story.
As the days pass and the pages increase, I can’t help but wonder, why now? Why when I suddenly gave up did the idea come to me with such clarity it feels as though she is my sister? For so many years I feared failure. Images of a carefully packaged manuscript mailed to publishers only to be tossed carelessly in a bin by the dumpster paralyzed my creativity. The critics in my head taunted me when I deigned to form a sentence towards story telling. I could not escape the mental image of Stephen King and JK Rowlings laughing, tummy hurting, tears streaming down their faces as they looked with horror at sentences composed by me.
But Stephen King says not when he was penniless and practically homeless, and not now, when he has millions to his name did he nor does he care about the money. He wrote and writes for the sake of the story. And therein lies the truth of the matter, her story deserves to be told, and she has blessed me with the task of telling it. I know she is fictional but she is also strangely real. I no longer care if a line will wrap around the bookstore seeking a copy of this ultimate book, I just want her story told. If her story is read by even one other person, it will be success for me. Releasing myself from the trappings of fear, the fear of failure and finally writing not to publish, not to win recognition or admiration, but just to write for the sake of writing, watching with awe as sentences form and imagery is conveyed on what was once simply blank nothingness- that is when I truly began writing.
Why do I share this? I say it first to explain my infrequent postings which will likely remain so until this novel is compete, and second, I hope it provides someone struggling to write with hope. Not hope of financial success since as of now I don’t have that, but hope of actually writing, because writing is after all, the whole point isn’t it?