If the firm land underneath our feet was once firmly attached to every other continent in the world, and if continents can shift, and drift apart until the distance creates strangers, old worlds and new worlds… why does it surprise anyone when people drift apart as well?
I remember stepping out after Hurricane Andrew swirled over our heads as we hovered in a barricaded hallway and carefully stepping over shards of glass and sifting through the debris for something, anything, that could be salvaged. As tears welled up, my father softly said “all these things are things… replaceable… as long as we have each other everything will be okay” This has remained my one truth. True relationships are worth more than all the gold in the world. Gold can’t hug you when you had a bad day, nor does money drop by with cake when they heard your good news. Material things can fill certain voids but not the ones nestled deepest within our hearts.
But just as Andrew affirmed relationships some were destroyed as well. Lessons learned 14 years ago are why I feel quite cautious towards new friendships and why the friendships that prevail I cherish deeply and why I grieve when friendships that at times were my shade on hot sunny days come to an end whether painfully like a sharp wound to the flesh, or whether gradually, almost casually through time, and circumstance, dissipating like vapor on a foggy night, evasive and beyond reach.
Relationships that don’t end through a sudden severance but rather slowly through time and circumstance, dissipating bit by bit until the flame which became ember is nothing but cold ashy gray have surprised me with the sadness that follows. How can one be sad about a thing where no one is to blame? Life happens. Things change. People change. Its impossible for all relationships to stand the course of time. But why must circumstances change? Why must people change? Why must I change?
At the core it comes down to who I am. I’m the one who loathes confrontations and detests change. But life moves on, time drifts onwards, and things, and people change. I’m okay moving forward but at times when encountering those who were once dear friends, with whom conversation once flowed easily but now results in stilted dialogue and awkward pauses… where these same people now talk of other friends, and other circles and loops they are now a part of… an emptiness echos in my heart. Recently a friend in an awkward moment where a gathering I wasn’t invited to was inadvertently discussed at length said, “well there are many loops now, you have your own ones as well” Its true, but to be the odd one out at the loops you yourself once circled, loops and circles that continue at full steam, without you, as you somehow got off track… you can’t help but feel a sadness for which there is no real resolution but moving forward and moving onwards and accepting that changing loops are a part of life.