family, life, reflections, thoughts

Drifting continents… and friendships

If the firm land underneath our feet was once firmly attached to every other continent in the world, and if continents can shift, and drift apart until the distance creates strangers, old worlds and new worlds… why does it surprise anyone when people drift apart as well?

I remember stepping out after Hurricane Andrew swirled over our heads as we hovered in a barricaded hallway and carefully stepping over shards of glass and sifting through the debris for something, anything, that could be salvaged. As tears welled up, my father softly said “all these things are things… replaceable… as long as we have each other everything will be okay” This has remained my one truth. True relationships are worth more than all the gold in the world. Gold can’t hug you when you had a bad day, nor does money drop by with cake when they heard your good news. Material things can fill certain voids but not the ones nestled deepest within our hearts.

But just as Andrew affirmed relationships some were destroyed as well. Lessons learned 14 years ago are why I feel quite cautious towards new friendships and why the friendships that prevail I cherish deeply and why I grieve when friendships that at times were my shade on hot sunny days come to an end whether painfully like a sharp wound to the flesh, or whether gradually, almost casually through time, and circumstance, dissipating like vapor on a foggy night, evasive and beyond reach.

Relationships that don’t end through a sudden severance but rather slowly through time and circumstance, dissipating bit by bit until the flame which became ember is nothing but cold ashy gray have surprised me with the sadness that follows. How can one be sad about a thing where no one is to blame? Life happens. Things change. People change. Its impossible for all relationships to stand the course of time. But why must circumstances change? Why must people change? Why must I change?

At the core it comes down to who I am. I’m the one who loathes confrontations and detests change. But life moves on, time drifts onwards, and things, and people change. I’m okay moving forward but at times when encountering those who were once dear friends, with whom conversation once flowed easily but now results in stilted dialogue and awkward pauses… where these same people now talk of other friends, and other circles and loops they are now a part of… an emptiness echos in my heart. Recently a friend in an awkward moment where a gathering I wasn’t invited to was inadvertently discussed at length said, “well there are many loops now, you have your own ones as well” Its true, but to be the odd one out at the loops you yourself once circled, loops and circles that continue at full steam, without you, as you somehow got off track… you can’t help but feel a sadness for which there is no real resolution but moving forward and moving onwards and accepting that changing loops are a part of life.

13 thoughts on “Drifting continents… and friendships”

  1. even if what she said was true, she could have been sensitive enough not to talk AT LENGTH about the other gathering. sometimes one slips and mentions something like that, but a long discussion, i call that insensitive.


  2. In her defense she didnt talk about it at length in particular, but the conversation was just flowing in general, it was probably presumed I was attending… but that is one big thing I’ve found recently…. I dont know if this is the same in other parts of the US but people will talk about “oh man that party was fun” in front of people who they know know the person in question and weren’t invited, or one girl will ask another “did you like the souveneir I got you from Mexico” standing next to you though they didn’t get you anything. Now I don texpect to be invited to every party nor do I expect gifts randomly, BUT for me, and the way I was raised, you didnt just go around saying those types of things in front of other people. I remember discreetly slipping a gift for a friend if no one else was getting a souveneir. Or being careful not talking about parties if I knew other ppl weren’t invited. The community in my neck of the woods isn’t like that and its kind of bewildering….. Is this just my neck of the woods or a common occurance?


  3. Bus Aisha..dafa karoI learned from wht your father said..You know, on my blog I post ppls real life stories..can I post this (wht yr father said, in the middle of storm) – without link to your blog..


  4. Circumstances change a lot in people, I always say if you don’t make an effort people drift apart and sometimes something that happens changes how people feel about each other. But its usually in difficult circumstances that relationships become stronger or drift apart, we might feel loss at losing someone we though would have been there for us but in a way its good, we find out who really is there.


  5. Mystic, ofcourse you can share the story on your blog, with or without a link it doesnt matter!OG, yeah difficult times are the true test of friendship I believe. The problem is that what do you do with the relationship, let it die out or try to revive it….. sometimes its exhausting to consider the effort that it would involve….. and one gives up entirely.


  6. while I was reading this post the whole time I was thinking I could have written this. I think the desi community in genral has this issue of leaving ppl out and then talking about it in front of them. I believe its a lack of tact to make themselves more popular. I dont get it either…most of the time I think its better that I wasnt there anyways…its always the same complaints, same dumb conversations…but in the end you do wonder somewhere why you were not invited by these so called friends..


  7. You guys are being a little overly sensitive and dramatic. Lets also not be to desi-centric. I think this happens in all cultures. Don’t generalize a whole culture for one or two people that you believe are being rude to others.Cheers.


  8. Beautifully written bella! Your dad is a smart man, you are lucky to have him as a father. It is sad when friendships disentigrate…its the ones that slipped away while you weren’t looking that are more heartbreaking than ones that fell apart.


  9. Hi Pauly!Anon… yep..Anon3- I appreciate that you have a different perspective but you expressed it in a manner which could be found offensive… if you find my post overly sensetive or dramatic dont read… its not about desis, never did i say that in my tag… I am not saying how I feel is how everyone should feel, rather I think its not a good thing to be so sensitive…but it is how I feel and if you dont like it dont read, life is too short to spend it reading stuff that is not worth your time.


  10. I do agree with you and well ,when once so called close friends ignore you and you cant make good conversations with them…even though you dont admit…it hurts somewhere. I personally feel there is no use fighting for such dying relationships…yes you have to move on…and its prob. because you deserve better things.


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