Isn’t it strange that as soon as I type about the pitter patter of the squirrels in my attic, they stop the pitter patter? Seriously, its silent static-less soundless-ness. You could hear the proverbial pin drop.
You might think they left but they didn’t. I know it. Why? Because the past two days we have had a combination of 20 degree weather and/or freezing rain. There ain’t no way those squirrels have suddenly decided they’d rather live outdoors.
My conclusion? Well, what other conclusion can their be? They must read my blog. I can just imagine the little squirrel family up in my attic. The mom and dad squirrel pacing the floor absolutely livid at the three baby squirrels huddled together with guilty expressions.
Mom: Pitter Patter! Those were her exact words! How many times have I told you about the pitter patter?!
Dad: Do you know how hard your mother and I work to put a roof over your heads?
Mom: You are all grounded! Go sit by the bingo games and do not move!
Dad: If I so much as hear a pitter, God help me…..!!!
Incidentally its a very bad thing that I now have a visual image of these squirrels akin to Stuart Little or Alvin and the Chipmunks. Because do you know who those people are in those types of shows that try to kick out the rodents? They’re the bad guys and I am not a bad guy!
Squirrels, since it is established that you read this I’d like to say that I don’t mind that you are in my attic. But running through the walls? Seriously? Is that really necessary? And it’s not my fault your parents never toilet trained you or taught you to clean up after yourselves! And who is telling you to chew the heck out of my insulation? Read my lips: Y’all are a fire hazard! You chew wires! I mean, who does that? Furthermore from a legal standpoint you lose: You are squatters, trespassers and vandalizers! Besides the castle doctrine allows me freedom to do as I wish if someone breaks into my home, and if it applies to humans it most certainly applies to squirrels. So really, this stern rebuke (which btw is caused by tiredness which resulted in crankiness) is not my fault and you really only have yourselves to blame!
And I refuse to let you make me feel guilty!