When I was teaching and a part time law student my coworkers used to tease me about how in a few short years I’d be banking major money as a lawyer. But lawschool is not a “ticket to the deluxe apartment in the sky” You can graduate and start at 200K or 20K. Same education. Same school. And it does not always correlate with “The better the student the better the pay” The director of the ACLU graduated #1 in his class with his pick of firms but he went public interest making a quarter of what he would have made otherwise living in a tiny one room studio and riding a bike to work. I’m a public interest girl. I went to law school to do civil rights work in some capacity. Dream job is a public interest job, if I get it, I’m not exactly going to start wearing gucci and prada upon graduation. And it never really bothered me until today.
In preparation for “dream job” I had several mock interviews at some highfalutin fancy schmancy law firms. I felt I walked into Cribs- Law Firm Edition or Lifestyles of the rich and famous firms. Sleek contemporary furniture, abstract art encased in gold frames, hardwood floors, marble conference tables, winding stair cases and imposing conference rooms.
I felt a twinge. A desire to sit at such tables. To smile at the receptionist in her “Apprentice” like seating and walk up the winding staircase. It felt strange to sit with these lawyers as they advised me on strategy for my interview. I felt the way I would walking into Ben Affleck’s mansion, sitting by his olympic pool as we snack on caviar and he helps me learn how to become an actor but only in small independent features- not blockbusters. A part of you just kind of twinges seeing all the duniya knowing what could have been yours if you had wanted it when it all began. It was a fleeting feeling but I felt it and the way it made me feel surprised me.
Dream job interviews are just a few days away and I’m nervous because its exactly what I want. And to be that close to my dream is frightening. However, life doesnt say “that’s okay I’ll wait” while I prep for interviews. So much is happening at seemingly breakneck speed. I’m preoccupied, worried, and feeling more than a little overwhelmed.
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother- Khalil Gibran