If you hurt me I have a hard time forgetting. Its like a scar branded just under my skin that flares everytime I see you. I dont get hurt easily, but the one that stings most painfully is the one that happens most frequently: insincerity. If you are my friend there is very little I wouldn’t do for you. The problem is I expect likewise from others and when I don’t get the phone call in a time they knew I needed it the most… or a comment is made that reveals something I did not expect.. my heart breaks a little, and to self preserve, closes off forever. Life is too short to spend with people who are insincere. Why sit and chit chat at parties and meet for dinner dates when you know that if you needed them, you could not be certain they would help you even if they could?
I wish I could just take people for what they are and not let it get to me. Life is full of different people and you can’t expect everyone to be the same. Perhaps they never meant to hurt me and I am sitting here needlessly turned off. Perhaps I have hurt others inadvertently and have never known it. Most people who are hurt by someone shrug their shoulders and move on. I’ve seen people who despise one another sit down at a diner party, smile, laugh and have a grand old time. I can’t do that. I’m incapable. I will smile stiffly, I will look at the clock. Remark on how lovely the weather is. The discomfort is plain upon my face. But they have no idea. So who do I hurt? me. Only me.
If you live in this world you can’t expect the world to play by your rules. I wish I could learn to accept this and not demand unformity in others in this aspect for it leads to a smaller ever shrinking social circle.